Patriot Day

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A dear, young friend of mine (Tristan :) said it best this morning,..."Today still brings tears in my eyes, a knot in my throat, and shivers down my spine."   Very few dates on the calendar stirs so much emotion in me, and many others I'm sure. 

I am watching right now on msnbc "9/11 As it happened" which is coverage of the events on 9-11-01 as they aired that day.  The beginning of the broadcast of course begins at the WTC in NYC with smoke billowing from one towerafter 8:42 am, being referred to as "this accident".  I couldn't help but be shocked 9 years later at the innocence of that remark by Katie Couric on the Today show.  How could she have ever known the magnitude of the first plane's "accident"?  That moment was the end of our national innocence when the 2nd plane hit the 2nd tower, then nationwide air travel stopped, then the Pentagon was hit, then the jumpers off the WTC, then the crash in Pennsylvania.  And on and on and on...

Image by Daves Portfolio via Flickr

Today we took the girls to our local airport's annual air show.  I was touched and encouraged that the annoucer kept saying "On the Sept. 11th...in honor of our nation...remember our fallen heroes...we are PROUD to be Americans."  Several military jets flew overhead, manuveruring in the sky, showing us firsthand the power of our military.

My school/workplace (also my daughters' school) just happens to be right next door to the airport.  Yesterday the jets & planes practiced loud and strong over head, often flying a little too close for my comfort.  Yesterday I wondered why on earth would they do this on 9/11??  I still felt that fear of an airplane and the horrors it was capable of in the wrong hands. 

But today watching those planes and jets, hearing our national anthem, rounds of applause
and cheers for veterans and active members of our military...I understood why they chose today.  What better day to celebrate the resiliency of our nation, the hope we have for our children, the pride we have in our country.  I'm proud to fly my flag today (and every day).  I'm proud to live in freedom.  I'm forever grateful to the men and women who laid their lives down for you and for me to be here today.  God bless the USA.

End of August---ups & downs

Lots going on to try and wrap my head around...good news first:  My oldest daughter entered 5th grade today.  She is excited and happy about the new school year.  With a 10 year old girl, happy is always good.  (unhappy=not good!)  I am so proud of the beautiful girl that she is, both on the inside and the outside.  She is kind, caring, tender-hearted, stubborn, loving, protective, curious, pushes the limits.  I simply adore her.  She is all the best...and worst, parts of me.  :)

My youngest daughter is entering kindergarten in 2 short days.  She is so ready and has been counting down the days all summer since preschool ended.  Where have the last 5 years gone?  Such a blur of laughter, smiles, giggles, tears, tantrums, diapers, potty-training, books, dolls, dress-up...I miss my baby, but love my kindergartener, too.  She is so amazing, so smart & soooooo sassy!!!  :)

Image by Rakka via Flickr

ed. 
On top of their excitement, today was my first day of school with students.  Just for the morning but enough to wear me out!  Beginning my 17th year of teaching, that is even more hard to believe than the baby going to kindergarten.  I feel like I've been teaching for maybe 10-11 years, not 16 under my belt.  I loved greeting my new (and returning) students last night at open house and this morning.   A new class, sharpened pencils, curiousity, new boxes of crayons, new shoes  & haircuts, backpacks & lunchboxes is exciting!!  It energizes me and makes me hopeful for all that is to come this school year.  And maybe even some birthday cupcakes... :)

Image by clevercupcakes via Flickr

So with all that is good, there is of course, the bad...I am REALLY struggling with other people letting me down.  Especially people that I bend over backwards for, count on, and stay loyal to.  Big bummer.  Hugely disappointed.  Really feeling unheard, unappreciated, taken for granted.  Not the first time.  So tired of the crap.  Don't see any signs of change or hope.   Especially when it's people that are "supposed to" be there for you no matter what.  Not fair, not right, whatever. 

Regret is an awful thing and I think I made the wrong decision.  Yuck....God help me forgive and get over it.  But how many times do you have to forgive?  I know, I know---70 x 7, on & on & on.  It is sooo not easy.

In the Future

What I want to be when I grow up (or sooner...:)

1. a writer

2. a runner

3. content

4. about 30 pounds thinner

5. healthier

6. smarter

Just some things I've been thinking about and beginning to work on!

I'm back...

Once again...I apolgize, I am the world's worst blogger. I think about it often, I should really write something. I want to be a writer when I grow up some day, ha! I love writing. But the perfectionist in me puts off what I can do perfectly. So that leaves 3+ months since my last post, waiting for the perfect topic, perfect words...too much pressure.

So over the past 3+ months, of course there has been good and bad. On the plus side, I have really been enjoying our summer vacation from school. That's a no-brainer! After a long, hard, exhausting school year, this break is exactly what I needed. The girls and I are having lots of fun in the sun...trips to the pool, park, library, movies, etc. They're really enjoying their season passes to 6 Flags Great America. Such a deal. We've already been to the park 4 times (they've been 5, once with their dad). Considering the passes cost just a few bucks more than a one-day ticket, such a deal. On our home days, house is looking good, laundry & dishes are kept up, projects are being chiseled on...so much easier when I'm not working.

On the not-so-plus side, the last 3 months have brought the deaths of 2 more dear grandfathers in my life. So I have lost my 3 grandfathers in 16 months. But how blessed am I to be 37 years old (for 9 more days) and to have these men in my life for so long. My husband's grandfather passed away on April 6, Grandpa Reed. I met my husband's grandparents in Aug. 1995 at my first mega-family reunion. Since we married in '96, they've been my grandparents, too. Grandpa Reed was an incredibly genuine, caring, godly man. My husband did an amazing job eulogizing his grandfather at his funeral and spoke of the great influence he'd had on his life. It was a beautiful funeral but an even more beautiful life. We miss you, Grandpa and look forward to the day we are reunited with our Lord & Saviour Jesus Christ in heaven.

Then on June 14, my dad's dad Grandpa Dietz passed away in Florida. It had been 10 years since I'd seen him and even that day I wasn't sure he remembered me. He was 91. My Grandma Dietz had passed away from cancer when I was 9, many years ago. The majority of my memories of my grandpa also include my grandma. Camping trips, UNO games, homemade brownies in their red & white kitchen, and Glen Rock pop always stocked in their basement fridge. :)

Father's Day left a lump in my throat that I could not swallow. How I missed these 3 men who had left their mark on my life from very different periods of time. My heart broke for my dad (who'd lost his dad 6 days b4 Fathers Day). My heart still breaks for my husband on Father's Day after he lost his dad at such a young age. For my girls to lose 3 great-grandfathers. But yet...my dad and my daughters' dad are here and so worthy to be celebrated.

How blessed am I...to be loved by my family, to have a family to love. I am grateful, Lord Jesus. It's funny (well not funny but you know what I mean) how grief comes in waves. You think all is well and you're cruising along, then the thoughts come...the tears...the memories.

Thank you Lord for blessing me abundantly with the gift of my family!!